Jupiter Love

Hey ppl in bloggerland! I haven't written in what seems to be wayyyy too long lol. Anyway I've been doing my same old same yet everything seems to be changing around me... a lot for the worst. As usual, I've had my moments of weakness. Thankfully, those moments don't define me as weak. I'm blessed enough to know that I can push through those things that stand as fixed obstacles in my way. Recently it seems like my dreams & reality aren't coinciding. It's kind of like they're in a bad relationship staying together for the child involved lol. What I mean by that is that they're both still in placed and seemingly going nowhere but they don't seem to be working with eachother. A lot situations surrounding me seem really unhealthy, kind of clouded and REALLY confusing. I'm doing my best to work past them by praying incessantly and trying not to lose faith. Just today, I made a very important decision that I've been praying about since last night. Some may say that's not mulled over enough but God moves expeditiously in a lot of cases. For the first time in the past day I made a decision regarding my current situation that I'm at peace with. I'm really taking a leap of faith with this one but I'm prayerful that it will work out in my best interest. God knows what He's doing and I trust Him. Whatever's supposed to be will be... It's just my job now to do anything that needs to be done in the meantime to the best of my ability and wholeheartedly. This decision is one of the reasons I chose to put this in writing. The whole issue is heavy on my heart and without going into great detail I hope I'm making a point that can speak to someone, somewhere. My point is, although something may seem so perfect to you in the "hunc et nunc" (bka here & now)... God sees far past that. Hardships shouldn't be dwelled upon or dragged out. I'm learning to see the positive outcome of every situation. If you saw everything negative in your live as a negative, how could that area ever contribute to your betterment? I encourage everyone to trust in God in these times. If you don't find yourself trusting in Him, the very LEAST you can do is trust in yourself to do what you can from that point forward to get yourself where you need to go. When the front door is slammed in your face, find a side door, a window, a fire escape, WHATEVER lol. The point is to GET THERE. I know that I'm determined to be somebody doing something that makes me incredibly happy. If I'm not an accurate fit someplace, I'm the perfect puzzle piece at another. I hope that you can draw from my optimism & realize that things are only as bad as you allow them to be. Remember... Genius is perseverance in disguise =)

GreatestLove

So I'm up & I should be writing a bio for my internship buttttt I'm listening to love songs lol. I'm actually jammin to "GreatestLove" by Musiq hence the title of this blog. I really feel like writing something freeform right now but I'll see if anything comes to me.

You make me tingle

Right down from the tip of my nose

To the soles

Of my stilleto ridden feet

Across the arches

I feel weightless

All because love carries me

You've got me on Cloud 9

Even though I feel I can go stories higher

On fire

Blazin'

The flame, the spark

The one I feel in my heart

Is truthfully burning for you

I don't know how you do it

How you make me feel this way

How you keep me clinging on

How you have me always wanting to

Sing, hear, hum the same love songs

You got me stuck on every part of you

My hearts growing stronger

But me being lovesick

Has me weak at my knees

All at the thought of you

I'm excited by all that we could be

Longing to see

You

&& me

Us as one, possibly

Baby steps

Love's like learning to walk all over again

Holding on to feel safe

Scared to let go

But with you that's changing

I'm taking my first steps

Trusting your hands

Walking with you

Fingers laced

No need to chase it

Love

It's here for you

Like I'm hoping you're here for me

I'm hoping this is meant for us

That the butterflies in my stomach aren't falsely fluttering

That the tingle running through me

Has everything to do with you && me

I get it every time I hear a love song

Opportunityyyyyyyy

SO... I haven't written in forever! I guess you can say that for this time I was just tryna find my way. I had been really really stressed about about not having a JOB.. like a lot of peole are so I was looking incessantly. For a long time it was to no avail and I just really felt like I wasn't praying enough. I was really trying to do it on my own which is never enough lol. So after speaking with a friend, I decided to go on a fast. Everyday from 9-5 I wouldn't eat, only consume beverages, in hopes of finding a job. When I tell you it was HARD at first... OMGoodness. But after a day or so I really felt myself calling on Him more often, being in the spirit, talking to Him & just getting closer. It was amazing. It really opened my eyes to how God makes Himself available to you anytime, anyplace. I was in the shower, singing a Gospel medley that I want the youth to sing at my friend's church. TEARS just started rolling down my face because it's just so AMAZING & AWESOME to me how rich and powerful God's love for us is. I have pretty much cried from every single song in that medley lol. But God is that good & they all speak to different situations where God comes through. He just really showed Himself to me this week & to fast & be faithful to Him was the least I could do. From my closeness to Him & dedication I believe I was truly blessed with the internship I recieved TODAY & it shows how efficiently God works. It's not a paid position however, it's in the field of my DREAMS & I couldn't be more thankful for the opportunities & blessings he's bestowed upon me. I have the utmost faith that God will work out all of my money situations & I honestly cannot wait to see what God has in store for me. I encourage everyone to watch this video & be blessed.

Love Games

Bit by bit, things are getting tougher

I'm at a constant Tug of War

I feel like retreating

Way deep down into my soul

That's where I want to go

But I can't because then I'd be a quitter

I'd be calling Time Out but I'd still be bitter

&& I don't know if I have any Do Overs left

I wanted to play so being "IT"'s what I get

Red Light.

Green Light.

I count to three

Could he just be that good that when it's time to Freeze

He doesn't appear to have moved an inch

I prick && I prod but he doesn't flinch

He doesn't appear tired or out of breath

No heavy breathing.

No sudden movements.

No redness in the face.

Stillness.

I feel like he isn't even playing

All I do is continue praying

I didn't sign up for Ring Around The Rosie

I see no Roses; but I'm beginning to fall

Scraped up hands.

Bloody knee.

Permanent mark

But that's left on my heart.

Duck. Duck. Goose.

I chose you.

But I run and I fear that you don't want to catch me

Listening to what Simon Says

Asking Mother May I?

Playing all the wrong games

Saying all the wrong names

Blindly looking for Marco

When I'm yelling, screaming... crying out for you to hear me.

A never ending game of Dodgeball

You're trying to evade the feeling

I Spy

With my dark brown slanted eyes

The love you hid in Hide && Seek

I can't Keep Away

No more Telephone

No more going off of Memory

Here's the Heads Up

Tag.

You're It.

I'm playing to win.

Game Over isn't an option

Losing isn't my thing

But if I lose... Double or Nothing?

What can I say? After all this skipping && running

I can't give up.

I can't forfeit

Your love... I want it.

I won't settle for less

Adrenaline has my heart poundin' out of my chest

I'm tired.

Worn out from trying to win your love

But I'll go into overtime

No draw.

No ties.

I need to win the grand prize

Your love is on the line.

HEYYYYY Bloggers!!

So I haven't been on here in longer than I would have liked to.  However, I'm here now and that's all that matters =)  Here's an update on my that's quick!  September 24th at 6PM I will be participating in my FIRST FASHION SHOW! Granted I was in one my freshman year at my school.  BUT I'm just happy because this is much more out there and will afford me a great experience.  I'm HAPPY.  I never even thought I'd be this blessed.  It may not be Fashion Week but it's something and I make sure to count each and every one of my blessings (They're blessings nonetheless).  This is one of the happiest times in my life.  I feel like all I'm really missing is money & love.  I have no doubt I'll encounter both when the time is right.  Hopefully the money comes quickly lol.  I'm basically just doing me and i absolutely love the feeling.  You should try it =)

Back Again

Just wanted to come and share some more poetry. This is one of my faves that I've written... As I post more poems I'm realizing how often I draw inspiration from music. Anywayz THIS ONE is from the time when I was jammin to Lauryn Hill's unplugged album. I love the Track "Water" and so here is my translation. Enjoy =)

You could be like the water
in that you quench my thirst
But the thrashing &&crashing of your memories waves
Only leaves me hurt

I thought I could move on
&& just leave you in the past
But just like water always does
You seem to find your own path

You seem to trickle back into my life
Not in a storm but a slight drizzle
&&it's like I'm in a whirlpool of you
because I'm caught up in the middle

You seap through the boxes I put you in
deep within my mind
The ones I lock &&block
&&try to cast off to the side

But you leak onto my surface
&&bit by bit you absorb
Then you pour through the windows of my soul
like through two open doors

&&though I think you vanish
you prove to always be there
When you're gone for a while from sight
you're like vapor in the air

Then as you condense
you hang over my head
But the constant terrential downpours of you
are truly what I dread

I suppose you'll slowly be diluted
by outside irrigation
&&I'll gather droplets of you in my soul
from my heart's precipitation

But I assure you I will no longer hurt
from your acid rain's oxidation
&&no longer will I search
to feel out your underwater vibrations

The levels of the pastHeartbreak you caused
will slowly start to diminish
When I find a waterfall of hydration
that will never appear to be finished

My current is now strong enough
to carry me day by day
&&soon the memory of you
will be completely washed away
By fresh water. <3

Going through it...

**So this post is edited.  Before I was kind of in a rut and like the title of this post says "Going through it."  I was quickly out of that feeling with the help of prayer and the strength in addition to the continuous faith I have in God.  This was clearly just a test and even when he breaks me down, my blessings come back 100 fold.  I love Him to my core.  Always have always will.  I decided to leave the poem up just because all of them are a testament to what I've been through.  Although this may not be my feeling now... it could be someone else's.  I pray that my work is used and touched by God to get people through any similar situation that might connect to my poems.  Now back to the original post =) **

I wrote this poem today and it's untitled... read it and form your own title.  Enjoy.

Broken...

In two &&three &&four pieces

As my pen hits the pad, depression releases

My head on the pillow

Two ears full of tears

I think back over the years

Take a glimpse at my peers

Sadness ensues

Feelings subdued

Pushed to the back... 

Still visible afront

I put up a front

Isn't that what you want?

&&you... &&you

Seeing me fail at what you want me to do

Trapped by the world's conformity

Society

Giving me

Preconcieved dreams of what I should be

What's pleasing you is murdering me

Killing my spirits

Suffocating my aspirations

Hopeless exasperations

Trying to find me amongst the confusion

The mirage is perfection... A long term illusion

A facade

A Front

All because you want

M E to be Y O U

But in that where is MY happiness?

Where's my white picket fence &&2.5 kids?

Where is MY success in YOURS?

There is none, simply... 

My success is adjacent

To the hopes &&dreams that I once thought to be vacant

The goals I was told were so farfetched

Unattainable dreams become capable

Even more sustainable

In me I found strength

Through art I can vent

Through Christ I can grow

The heights I can go

Surpass your pinnacle

I'm my own individual

I'm gaining a clear visual

Of the place that I should be

the hard fist of opportunity

is knocking. banging. &&beating down my door

Happiness secured

My success locked up tight

Everything in this dream seems so right

I can't go back

Can't falter or buckle

Some may knock my hustle

I may have to tussle

With your dreams &&success

They're holding mine back

Thankfully He makes up for all that I lack

I just pick up the slack

My aim is to get that

Lifelong.

Nothing-can-go-wrong.

Everything-has-a-song.

This-is-where-I-belong.

Success.

I found the key

Instead of existing for you

I start living for me

Finally. Happy. 

Summer's over :'(

Heyyyyyyyy Bloggers!! Well summer is coming to a close and that made me remember a poem I wrote about a year and a half ago. It's called "Dear Summer" which is a play off of Jay Z's song but I took it in a sort of different direction. It's more connected to a romantic approach that i hope you'll all be able to enjoy and connect with. Read on... live... prosper =)

"Dear Summer"

Dear Summer,
I thought that you'd miss me...
I never knew Autumn would creep up so quickly
&&just take you away
Yeah I know you'll be back
But it just ain't gonna be quick enough for me
It kills me that i can't reach out &&touch what I see
Right in front of my eyes
As the days go by
I miss you more&&more each day
It's only day 3
Already i'm crazy
&&I can't figure out what it is about you that made me
A straight up fein
For your warm cool breeze
You're like a breath of fresh air so it's hard to believe
That Autumn could try &&just take your position
The sunshine &&bright colors are not what I'm missin'
So Summer,
If you can hear me, I need you to listen
I don't know why you're all of a sudden so special
Now you're leaving so suddenly &&my heart won't let you
Ecsape any fragment of my brain
Autumn's alright... but I don't really like change
Winter's cold shoulder causes all types of pain
&&Spring is so far that my tears turn to rain
Just at the thought of how much I'll miss you
It's confirming the fact that how I feel is official
Summer... I miss your heat
I miss the sand beneath my feet
Taking long strolls on the beach
Wouldn't be the same with anyone else
If you didn't know how I already felt
I need you to digest all that I say
None other is like you &&every day
There are constant thoughts of you in my mind
I miss you Summer
&&it's crazy how much
I wanna be with you but I have to trust
That the seasons will pass and I'll soon be seeing you
And your feelings for me hopefully will still be in you
Maybe next summer will be better than ever
But that's only if we get to spend it together <3

At it again

So I'm leaving for SC tomorrow and I should be packing right now. However, I decided to waste some more time and post a poem lol. I don't know how many of you have been in the situation where a dude just drove you over the edge. And they say WE have drama? With some guys, there always seems to be an issue. Get it together homie lol. Anyway, this poem is one that I wrote in a situation where there was a lot of confusion. As usual, the only way I knew to truly deal was to pray and use the venue that God gave me to express myself, which is writing. Thus, this poem was born =) I call this one "Half Crazy" (Ode to the GREAT Music Soulchild) Enjoy.

So you're going half crazy?
That's... interesting
Is she better than me?
What's the dispute?
What's the deliberation
Regarding the situation?
I just don't understand
You're going half crazy?
Well so am I
I can hardly put my full trust in a guy
Then I give some to you
&&this is what you do
One... two strikes
Although the feeling seems right
It's so, so wrong
&&now I'm repeatedly singing the song
I probably should but can't leave you alone
You're half crazy?
Well I'm damn near insane
I curse the headache and damn the pain
I just cant\'t deal
&&though the feelings seem real
I don't know what to do
Confused. Hoodwinked. Bamboozled
That's how I'm feeling
Your kiss seems like the only medication
But longing for your touch is a dangerous side effect
That affects my mind, body and heart
Why didn't you start
By telling me you'd potentially drive me half crazy
That you were half crazy
That your love for her may never leave
Put me under the asylum
Solitary confinement may be best
Lock up my arms in a straight jacket
So I get tired of being held
Learning to live without you
What should I do?
Because half crazy seem to suit me well
I don't want to dwell on the issue
But this plus me missing you
Has me playing both sides
I'm on the fence
I'm on the defense
Scared of being hurt
Insane
Deranged
Delirious
Confused
Perplexed
All of the above
Half crazy over you.

Question

I have a question.
Are you looking for love?
Do you see it in me?
Am I everything that you thought I'd be?
You don't know?
Oh, you don't know YET?
Are you looking to see just how far you might get?
Is that the motive behind you getting to know me?
Why am I so skeptical?
Why shouldn't I be?
Don't you know that the opposite sex is prone to hurt me?
How'd I get so guarded?
You ever been brokenhearted?
Are you still confused as to how this whole thing got started?
You see something in me?
Did you get past my face?
Oh, so you think I'm smart?
Did you take that from our conversation?
Did I even say anything witty?
Or is that just your way to get me?
Is that a tactic to get it?
Now you don't know what 'it' is?
When is the last time you've done this?
Do I have any more questions?
I guess I had a few.

Love Junkie <3

Hey people. So I had a hard time actually FINDING my own blog to write on it again lol. Hopefully i won't forget this crucial information anymore and I'll be able to write more frequently. I came on here tonight because I've been contemplating a lot today and I wanted to write some spoken word. But Now that I'm here I would really like to share this poem that i wrote recently. It's called "Love Junkie" and without anything further... here it is:

So I'm back at it
Just like a crack addict
Love is my drug
&&I can't get enough
Straight overdosing on you
Thoughts fill my mind
I'm on a bad trip
This hallucinogen
Is like a sin; Again,
I'm fallen
Slumped over myself
In a daze
High off of your love
No detox will help
This euphoria's addictive
&&my heart... I can't trick it
No placeBEAU can take its place
I'm eternally intoxicated
Obliterated
By your love
It's a gateway drug
Opening up my body to more &&more usage
All the while; love grows
Everybody nose
I'm a junkie
Craving every ounce&&kilo
Like an infiltrated needle
You reach the core of me
Running through my blood
Feeding my mind
Pumping through my heart
Rushing to my lips
When the high is gone I'm in withdrawal
Crawled in a ball
Unable to function
All other thoughts are eradicated
I'm solely concentrated
On when I can get my next hit
You're my supplier
&&I'm in dire
Need of your love
No need to lace it
Grown, made, packaged... perfectly
Far more than a dime bag
Is what I need to get my fix
But you never run out
Love is always available
&&I'll always take it
I'm addicted
Don't want to fix it
No Rehab.
No Therapy.
No Kicking the Habit.
I'm a fein... for... you <3

Welcome to Chateau de Fashion Week!!!

Thanks for stopping by my blog =) The whole reason I'm even doing this is to kind of catalog my life; so although I'm doing this for me, I hope that you can gain some personal growth from it as well. I'd like to think of myself as a person who has a good amount of depth. I do a lot of thinking, contemplating, etc. [maybe too much lol] but it's all to make sure that I go through with the right thing. I put a LOT of faith and trust in HIM and HE is where I get most of my insight from. I NEVER go with my gut... okay maybe sometimes lol. But if it's of great importance, it's worth seeking His face and listening to what he has to say. If I'm talking to myself, don't think me to be crazy lol. He's always with me. He's the voice that I listen to, He's the one who I cry out to, HE.. IS... MY... AIR. Period. So I think you get the gist that I LOVE God... Now that I've laid that out, I can move on to other things.

"But isn't Fashion Week over?" you might ask. Yes it is but I am here and I AM Fashion week. I am a PROUD member and always a Finer Woman of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc. If you don't know ask about us ;) I love my organization with all of my heart and it is by far one of the best commitments I've ever made in my life. Though it comes with its goods and bads, I wouldn't change it for the world. It sucks that a lot of people don't understand it; including close friends and family. Sadly, they never will [unless they become a member =)] The bond that myself and my line sisters share is unexplainable and TRULY that of sisters. Some might fall through the cracks but that only goes to show, maybe Zeta's not in their heart at the time or never was to begin with. What I know is that I LOVE the women I call my Sorors... and nobody can tell me otherwise. Why am I Fashion Week? I was given this name through my organization as well as my Swahili line name Maridadi which I also hold close to me. The name Fashion Week kind of speaks for itself... make your own presumptions.... they'll all come back the same lol

LASTLY, I'll explain where I'm at in life. JOBLESS for right now lol... but determined. I graduated recently with my bachelor's and now I'm looking toward the rest of my life and the decisions that are best for me. I'm doing what I want... and hopefully going where I want. All I want to be is HAPPY, so I'm putting my trust in God and stepping out purely on Faith. I claim the fact that I will do great things and that's most of what I need in my opinion. To some, my method may be questionable... but I don't care because it's not about you to be frank. I'm taking this time to do ME and I'm loving it. I've been blessed all of my life and I feel like there's a reason for that. I've always given God the glory and no matter my situation I won't stop. This time in my life is no different.


Shooting for the moon,
Ley