Love Games

Bit by bit, things are getting tougher

I'm at a constant Tug of War

I feel like retreating

Way deep down into my soul

That's where I want to go

But I can't because then I'd be a quitter

I'd be calling Time Out but I'd still be bitter

&& I don't know if I have any Do Overs left

I wanted to play so being "IT"'s what I get

Red Light.

Green Light.

I count to three

Could he just be that good that when it's time to Freeze

He doesn't appear to have moved an inch

I prick && I prod but he doesn't flinch

He doesn't appear tired or out of breath

No heavy breathing.

No sudden movements.

No redness in the face.

Stillness.

I feel like he isn't even playing

All I do is continue praying

I didn't sign up for Ring Around The Rosie

I see no Roses; but I'm beginning to fall

Scraped up hands.

Bloody knee.

Permanent mark

But that's left on my heart.

Duck. Duck. Goose.

I chose you.

But I run and I fear that you don't want to catch me

Listening to what Simon Says

Asking Mother May I?

Playing all the wrong games

Saying all the wrong names

Blindly looking for Marco

When I'm yelling, screaming... crying out for you to hear me.

A never ending game of Dodgeball

You're trying to evade the feeling

I Spy

With my dark brown slanted eyes

The love you hid in Hide && Seek

I can't Keep Away

No more Telephone

No more going off of Memory

Here's the Heads Up

Tag.

You're It.

I'm playing to win.

Game Over isn't an option

Losing isn't my thing

But if I lose... Double or Nothing?

What can I say? After all this skipping && running

I can't give up.

I can't forfeit

Your love... I want it.

I won't settle for less

Adrenaline has my heart poundin' out of my chest

I'm tired.

Worn out from trying to win your love

But I'll go into overtime

No draw.

No ties.

I need to win the grand prize

Your love is on the line.

HEYYYYY Bloggers!!

So I haven't been on here in longer than I would have liked to.  However, I'm here now and that's all that matters =)  Here's an update on my that's quick!  September 24th at 6PM I will be participating in my FIRST FASHION SHOW! Granted I was in one my freshman year at my school.  BUT I'm just happy because this is much more out there and will afford me a great experience.  I'm HAPPY.  I never even thought I'd be this blessed.  It may not be Fashion Week but it's something and I make sure to count each and every one of my blessings (They're blessings nonetheless).  This is one of the happiest times in my life.  I feel like all I'm really missing is money & love.  I have no doubt I'll encounter both when the time is right.  Hopefully the money comes quickly lol.  I'm basically just doing me and i absolutely love the feeling.  You should try it =)

Back Again

Just wanted to come and share some more poetry. This is one of my faves that I've written... As I post more poems I'm realizing how often I draw inspiration from music. Anywayz THIS ONE is from the time when I was jammin to Lauryn Hill's unplugged album. I love the Track "Water" and so here is my translation. Enjoy =)

You could be like the water
in that you quench my thirst
But the thrashing &&crashing of your memories waves
Only leaves me hurt

I thought I could move on
&& just leave you in the past
But just like water always does
You seem to find your own path

You seem to trickle back into my life
Not in a storm but a slight drizzle
&&it's like I'm in a whirlpool of you
because I'm caught up in the middle

You seap through the boxes I put you in
deep within my mind
The ones I lock &&block
&&try to cast off to the side

But you leak onto my surface
&&bit by bit you absorb
Then you pour through the windows of my soul
like through two open doors

&&though I think you vanish
you prove to always be there
When you're gone for a while from sight
you're like vapor in the air

Then as you condense
you hang over my head
But the constant terrential downpours of you
are truly what I dread

I suppose you'll slowly be diluted
by outside irrigation
&&I'll gather droplets of you in my soul
from my heart's precipitation

But I assure you I will no longer hurt
from your acid rain's oxidation
&&no longer will I search
to feel out your underwater vibrations

The levels of the pastHeartbreak you caused
will slowly start to diminish
When I find a waterfall of hydration
that will never appear to be finished

My current is now strong enough
to carry me day by day
&&soon the memory of you
will be completely washed away
By fresh water. <3

Going through it...

**So this post is edited.  Before I was kind of in a rut and like the title of this post says "Going through it."  I was quickly out of that feeling with the help of prayer and the strength in addition to the continuous faith I have in God.  This was clearly just a test and even when he breaks me down, my blessings come back 100 fold.  I love Him to my core.  Always have always will.  I decided to leave the poem up just because all of them are a testament to what I've been through.  Although this may not be my feeling now... it could be someone else's.  I pray that my work is used and touched by God to get people through any similar situation that might connect to my poems.  Now back to the original post =) **

I wrote this poem today and it's untitled... read it and form your own title.  Enjoy.

Broken...

In two &&three &&four pieces

As my pen hits the pad, depression releases

My head on the pillow

Two ears full of tears

I think back over the years

Take a glimpse at my peers

Sadness ensues

Feelings subdued

Pushed to the back... 

Still visible afront

I put up a front

Isn't that what you want?

&&you... &&you

Seeing me fail at what you want me to do

Trapped by the world's conformity

Society

Giving me

Preconcieved dreams of what I should be

What's pleasing you is murdering me

Killing my spirits

Suffocating my aspirations

Hopeless exasperations

Trying to find me amongst the confusion

The mirage is perfection... A long term illusion

A facade

A Front

All because you want

M E to be Y O U

But in that where is MY happiness?

Where's my white picket fence &&2.5 kids?

Where is MY success in YOURS?

There is none, simply... 

My success is adjacent

To the hopes &&dreams that I once thought to be vacant

The goals I was told were so farfetched

Unattainable dreams become capable

Even more sustainable

In me I found strength

Through art I can vent

Through Christ I can grow

The heights I can go

Surpass your pinnacle

I'm my own individual

I'm gaining a clear visual

Of the place that I should be

the hard fist of opportunity

is knocking. banging. &&beating down my door

Happiness secured

My success locked up tight

Everything in this dream seems so right

I can't go back

Can't falter or buckle

Some may knock my hustle

I may have to tussle

With your dreams &&success

They're holding mine back

Thankfully He makes up for all that I lack

I just pick up the slack

My aim is to get that

Lifelong.

Nothing-can-go-wrong.

Everything-has-a-song.

This-is-where-I-belong.

Success.

I found the key

Instead of existing for you

I start living for me

Finally. Happy.