Personified

So... It's been a LOOOOOOOOOOONG TIME! But I've begun writing again after a serious break & of course I'm gonna share :) This is called "Personified" & I'll let it explain itself

I'm not a poet

I'm the embodiment of my thoughts & the fruition of my dreams

Which pour out from my soul & bleed

from my heart through my pen & onto the pad

Far more than a hopeless romantic

As my lipstick is lined with lyrics of love

My stanzas depict raw emotion

Bringing forth imagery that echoes the verisimilitude that is my life

I am the creative mind that stains the pages of tattered journals

Captured in every handwritten character

My character has met with immortality

Remaining relevant through literature's longevity

I've come face to face with a starving artist

As rain hits my windowpane my mood becomes pensive

Needing a release I outstretch my limbs in search of a utensil

Anything that can leave an impression on a medium

I'm like an addict

Who knew there could be such a high

Even at an all time low

Pleasure can emanate from pain

The product that remains is an eternal reflection of me

Mirroring a distinct facet of beauty

A fixed shadow of my life & time

A designated device for me to rewind

Writer's block has a cure

I am the patient

Healed by divine appointment & circumstance

I am the tears that escape almond eyes

Rolling down pigmented cheekbones

I'm the unveiling of enamel & precede laughlines

The rarity of rage with an overflow of patience

I AM poetry's personification <3

How to Begin 101

How do I even begin?
What do I say to attempt to break the ice?
My heart makes me think twice
Our love was lost & now I'm paying the price
I just want to make things right
Fix everything that went wrong
Not have to sing to myself those sad love songs
Not have passing thoughts of you all day long
Not have my emotions take control of logistics
When I let go of us I never pictured I'd miss it
I could have never guessed that this would happen
After all I was calling the shots
I was doing what I wanted whether you liked it or not
I guess I forgot exactly how much you meant to me
Maybe deep down you knew I'd come back eventually
But now I can't even prepare myself mentally
To rekindle the thing that I think of relentlessly
Where do I start?
Trying to plan it out saddens me
I sigh at the thought of things ending tragically
I know I don't have you so I've got nothing to lose
But I know I'm not equipped to handle the bruise
You can put on my ego & even more on my heart
Its hurts all the same no matter how far apart
So how do I even get the strength to face it
My mind writes off your love but my heart won't erase it
I can try to replace it
But nothing's the same
Try to look to The Word but all I see is your name
Listen to music, I hear you in the refrain
Put my pen to the pad & you fill up the page
So how do I even formulate the words...
What do I do to work up the nerve...
My heart is aching & I want it to end
But you're the who that determines why where what & when
The one who's the catalyst, stimulus & reaction
It's you who has me in this predicament
But it's myself in my own way; not letting you in
I'm stopping myself. How can I begin?

the post kind of speaks for itself... <3

Random

So I'm sitting at my computer straight JAMMIN' to Jesse Boykins III. He is an AMAZING artist that is definitely worth everyone's attention. Take a listen & see for yourself but his music is a breath of fresh air amongst the pollution that we now call 'Mainstream". Anyway, neo soul always puts me in a writing mood & it makes me just want to write a romance novel lol. But I decided right now to use the ambiance to write a poem. My inspiration while writing is "Amourous" which is his current single and a hit record within its own right. I'm going to entitle this "I Wonder"

"I Wonder"

I wonder
I wonder if you even realize
That your smile and your eyes
Are mesmerizing
Every inch of you is tantalizing
My mind starts wandering; Fantasizing
I wonder
Do you enjoy poetry
Does a play on words whip you into a verbal frenzy
I envy
The ones who are able to get close
The ones who can see deep into the windows of your soul
And make a more practical
Synopsis
But from here my only option
Is to stand here and wonder
It's some kind of spell you got me under
That makes me only think of you
Every type of scenario seems to run through
My enthralled mind
I'm wrapped up in the vines
Of your mysterious persona
My body is restricted & unable to walk towards ya
So I'm trapped by my self inflicted interrogation
Hesitation
Engulfs me
I wonder
Where you work?
What's your style?
What you like to do?
With who?
Are you already taken?
Is my attraction blatant?
Would you be interested?
Do you have any kids?
Who are you?
As you pass me by
I wonder...

I need change

Just randomly got in the mood to write so I'm gonna freestyle something quickly. Sometimes writing is just that release you need :)

I need a change
I need to not be stuck
in the same old rutt
Longing to be different
Wanting to separate myself
Needing to do me
You know
Live my life
Not think twice
I need to do what I want
I need to not exist
I need to start living & I need to focus
Focus on the me that I see in the future
So different from me now
Yet still the same
Enhancing my persona & adding longevity to my name
Success is what I claim
Happiness is my aim
Change
Change is what needs to come of me
Looking into myself with discernment & honesty
Getting rid of the flaws that are seeming to harness me
Putting on the achievements that I'm hoping to garnish me
Making me polished
No longer do I wish
I take hold of the change that will overcome my person
The change that won't be able to fit in my purse and
The change that is far more than monetary value
The transformation that will take place so that now you
Can be even further taken aback
Unable to pinpoint the things that I lack
I'm the one who laps you & helps pick up your slack
I'm just that
The epitome of change
I'm the fruition of the dream that plays within my brain
I am a reality
Far from a fallacy
I'm the verisimilitude of all I want to be
I am what I was purposed
Change is me

I'm BAAAAAACK!

Hellooooooo Peeps! It's been ENTIRELY too long but I'm back after a serious hiatus. There isn't too much going on in my life. I'm keeping busy, staying prayerful & you KNOW I had to write a little something lol Anyway... this one speaks for itself :/ It's called: I Used To (The Blame Game)

I used to love the thought of you & me
I used to wish things could go back to how they used to be
I used to want to see your name on my caller ID
I used to think this could possibly be L -O-V-E
But all of the things I used to do
Weren't of any use to you
Even if I brought proof to you
Of all of the things you put me through
You'd still find a way to twist the truth
You'd try to make me feel guilty too
After you pick up, the Blame Game is next
That's after you forgot to respond to my text
After I brought up the topic & you moved on to the next
And you do this so often that I can't even digress
I can't even digest why you can't be direct
I need to analyze where your head is at
What are you thinking & where's your compassion
I know that you recollect exactly what happened
Were you in a clear state of mind when we disagreed
I just need some sort of an explanation please
I just can't understand why you're flipping the script
And I'm trying my hardest not to get a grip
But I can't grasp why you think your point is legit
And I'm unable to fathom why you don't want to solve this
The conflict we have; The minor obstacle we face
Instead you repeatedly try to replace
My evident discomfort with your reverse psychology
Knowing that when I upset you, it bothers me
Making me second guess myself constantly
Using my guilt to turn your flaws into fallacies
Making it appear as if I'm going crazy
But that's what you made me by avoiding the conflict
Your ingrained habits are some things I can't fix
Finetuning your attitude is one thing I won't mess with
And I surely didn't sign up to sharpen your etiquette
So rather than sit here, be angry & have a fit
I decided that I am officially over it
I know that I'm sane
You passing the blame
Is a game that adulthood won't permit me to play
I used to hope that one day you'd say the same
I used to care...
I'm just glad that things change

Chasing after You

So tonight, I had the confirmation of all confirmations. When I say that God is AMAZING, He truly is and His spirit moves uncontrollably. I woke up this morning and the first thing I did was go on youtube and watch a video of my school's liturgical dance team did. They danced to a song called "The Search" and the lyrics include the words, "I need Thee, Oh I need Thee. Every hour I need Thee. Where can I find You Jesus? Can I please touch those nail scarred hands..." As I watched the video I cried and this was from the MOMENT I woke up. I had a fairly light day and went to a meeting at Wake Eden and after that I went to the Youth Service at Bronx Bethany. When I tell you the message was a pure CONFIRMATION of what I've been asking of God... there's no other way to describe it. It touched on the hunger we have for Christ, how to get it, fasting & other things that just spoke directly to my spirit. As they did the altar call, they played "As The Deer" and I was certain that God had placed me in that moment and was speaking directly to me, answering what I have been asking of Him recently. I never went up to the altar that quickly and certain in my life. There was no sense of resistance, I was just spirit led. As I stood at the altar, I cried. I've been "saved" all of my life but in all of my years I have never experienced that moment in all of my life and I don't think I've ever heard God's voice in any greater clarity. I know that this is a point in my life where God is calling me to change and be totally His and as I'm at a battle with myself, I'm continually praying that my flesh be removed and His spirit take full control of my being. I'm brought to tears so quickly at the thought of His goodness and I feel Him working in ways that I've never felt before. I pray that my testimony can touch somebody and let them know that they're not alone in the battle between flesh and spirit... EVER. As I pray for everyone going through what I am, pray for me so that we might be able to commit ourselves to God and unite as a body in Christ. I encourage everyone to listen to this song, "Chasing After You" by Tye Tribbett so that we might know the attitude we NEED to have to fully dedicate our lives to Christ. The battle is not yours. It's the Lord's, so have faith & leave it in His hands.

Pulling me back...

Helloooooooooo peeps! So it's clearly been a while since I've ventured on this site and I've been being pushed to write but never felt so compelled until tonight. Today was a day of many emotions which have drawn me to call on God for several things. I just feel like as of today I was pulled in so many directions which was draining in one way but a great blessing in another because I was able to fall into a spiritual place and really start to question my personal relationship with God. But before I divulge into that topic, I should update you on my favorite subject... ME! lol
So not too long after my last post, March 17 2010... I cut off all of my hair. I had been going natural for a while and on that day I finally got fed up with worrying what everyone thought. It was a very powerful day for me because I did something major... for ME. I wasn't worried about what people would say, I didn't ask anyone's permission (but God's). I just did it for me. So on that day at around 11 at night I went into the bathroom with some scissors and my ipod, looked in the mirror, prayed, turned on some Gospel music and cut away 22 years of everyone else's expectations of me. In the end, I was so relieved and proud that I did it and that there was no turning back. I had absolutely no regrets and thank God that I was and am able to take myself as I am without worrying about what society calls me to be. Now, I'm 9 months natural and going on 5 months since I did the Big Chop and my natural hair journey has been fantastic.
As for what went on with me today, I just feel a lot of confusion but my prayer for the moment is one of revelation. I want and need God to tell me where I need to be and I feel Him doing it subtlely but I'm in need of a clear sign so that I can move forward. I hope that anyone else seeking the same thing might be helped and I pray that they can stay strong in the Lord, knowing that the answer will come at His pace and nobody else's.
Oh yeah... the new love of my life is MAKEUP. I've done a few jobs but hope to make it a LUCRATIVE hobby lol... anybody in need of an MUA for ANYTHING, check out my port at www.modelmayhem.com/leyjaemua

HOLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA