Outta my system

What do I do?

Where do I move?

Where do I go?

I don't know what direction I'm headed in

Lost

Unfocused

Tryna get back

Yet still tryna move forward

In this progression

I learned a few lessons

I feel like digressing

All because we're regressing

Stressing

Contemplating

Thinking of you

Confused is what I'm feeling

But I know something needs healing

And I'm dealing with all different sorts of emotions

Part of me's hopeless

I don't want to devote this much time

My pride has me saying forget it

But something deeper won't let it

Something greater is pushing me

I don't know my driving force

But the course I want to take

seems rocky and foreign

But instead of just storing things all inside

I'm gonna swallow my pride

Put things aside

And do what's right

Once I figure out how to go about it

There's no way around it

All I ever think about is...

New Fave Song!!!

So... IDK if it's the mushy gushy-ness in me... but I have a new favorite song which is on loop as we speak. Chrisette Michelle, "All I Ever Think About" is definitely a fave! I think this is a song where you can feel the true emotion and it's so relatable. I know that everyone has had at least that one that couldn't escape their thoughts. I guess that's why being in love is so difficult for a lot of people. Despite you trying your hardest, emotions are uncontrollable For people who NEED that control... love poses that very problem. This could be one of the reasons we see such a lack of commitment these days... people are afraid to take a chance... which sucks! I don't think we can get very far in life without taking certain leaps and bounds. Often times we need to go out on a limb for the things that are of great importance to us. Despite some people acting as if they don't need love... it's one of the main reasons we were made... "to love and be loved." We can cover up our desire to love all that we want... by casual sex, hurting other people, infidelity, etc. I just think these are tactics to escape the reality of the situation. This leads me to the song. I love how Chrisette is so bold about the fact that she can't get this dude out of her mind and EMBRACES it. Love is a beautiful thing and definitely something I can't wait to find. IDK why people are so afraid of the real thing... The false ones are what make us so fearful, but I don't think that should stand as a obstacle between us and obtaining the real love we all deserve. Of course, it doesn't take LOVE to feel the way she expresses in this song but strong feelings are kind of a requirement. I just love the realness and can completely feel where she's coming from. It's a bittersweet feeling because in thinking about the good... u can also be thinking about the bad... ALL DAY lol... all in all I still think that for someone to run through your mind that uncontrollably is so powerful and warms my spirit. I wonder if I ever ran through anyone's mind like that... to the point they couldn't focus... do their work, etc. Such a crazy thought but all in all... I FEEL YOU CHRISETTE! PLUS she sang her heart out on that one lol... Take a listen if you can and don't be afraid to love someone =)

It Kills Me...

Hey People!!! It's been entirely toooooo long! It's my first post of the new year so I'm hoping that as the year progresses, so does this blog and so does my writing. My growth as a person is tremendously important and alongside that, I'm hoping that God strengthens all of the positive relationships that are present in my life. I've been in a bit of a funk but I've been getting past it. Anywho, I recently just listened in on 3 really great albums! Melanie Fiona, Chrisette Michelle and Rihanna have been in heavy ro and all three have been contributing to the emotions I've been feeling recently. I feel sort of jumbled, contorted and down right confused with a lot of situations I have to deal with but of course... my faith in God has been the support I need. Of course, I feel the need to write so I'm gonna go ahead and let whatever comes to me transfer from my fingertips to your screen =)

Say It.

I just need you to say what you mean.

My inability to read minds

Has me clinging to every word that leaves your lips

Squinting to see what might be left between the lines

Looking for anything

A clue.

Some hint.

I need an inkling of emotion

A snippet of some feelings

I want some truth to how you're feeling

Wholeheartedly just let me know

And I know.

I hold back.

Clam up.

Introverted... that's me

But every fiber of my body

Is pushing through

I'm trying to get to you

Leaving vacancy

Where honesty

Used to hide

I'm giving you me

Piece by piece

Unveiling all that my heart allows

and some...

I'm trusting you with me

So where's the reciprocity?

The ambiguity

It kills me...

I don't wanna play a guessing game

No doubts in my mind

Just the communication I want

The clarity I deserve

The love that I need

Allow me to see

Where we could go

How strong we can grow

We'll never know

Unless we take a chance

So hold my hand

Look in my eyes

I promise to follow suit

I'll give my all to get me & you